What then shall I do?*

I got baptized this Saturday. It was a pretty cool experience.

I was baptized as a baby, but I decided that I wanted to be baptized again because I didn't have any ownership or memory of that first experience.

A lot of my friends showed up to watch which meant a lot to me. I got to share a little bit of the story that brought me to the point of baptism. I've included it here for anyone who wants to read it.

I only had a few minutes to speak and my story is long so I had to leave out most of the details, but if your curious about it, just ask me and I will fill you in. Oh, and I'm hoping to have pictures up soon.

I’ve never been a very emotional person. I think I decided that emotions were unsafe at a young age. So I focused on what I could achieve. A constant stream of impressive achievements got me lots of affirmation and built my ego. I figured if I could get enough of those two things then happiness was guaranteed.

I worked hard and even achieved some pretty lofty goals, but satisfaction was always short-lived since there was always some new ivory-tower goal to give myself to, all the while keeping a cap on my emotions.

I had nearly perfected the illusion of the life I thought I wanted when things started to crumble. Suddenly I was bitter and angry all the time. I assumed an attitude of utter self-centeredness to ensure that I could continue to achieve my goals. I began to systematically sabotage all the relationships that were really important to me.

Soon all the towers of achievement I had built up for myself were torn down and I was miserable and very alone. I couldn’t think of a reason for why I should be alive.

There was no way out that I could see. Then I received a postcard in the mail. It was a postcard for the Vineyard. To be honest, I was really suspicious of it, but I was desperate so I decided to check it out. During the service, I was thinking to myself “what a weird way to do church.” But everyone seemed to be so genuinely happy. At the end of service a pitch was made for small groups. At that moment, I knew in my heart that that’s what I needed. I signed up to be in a small group and committed to myself that I would go every week.

That was two and a half years ago and my life is utterly different now. I had know idea that when I came to that first service that the people I was meeting were my new family. They eagerly took me in, cared for me with extravagant love and help me put my life back together.

I also met a man named Jesus. He helped me to see that I had been living my life in a prison. I was bound by so many chains that freedom seemed impossible. I didn’t even have the courage to try. But he was unflinching. He was determined to break every chain, one by one. He would stop at nothing – he would literally stop at nothing to break each one. There was nothing he wouldn’t do, there was no sacrafice he wouldn’t make, and there was nothing he wouldn’t endure to make sure I was truly free.

And I want to be honest with you. There are still some chains. Jesus still has work to do in me so it’s a good thing he’ still alive. You’re looking at one sheep who gets lost pretty often. But each time I do Jesus, my shepherd, leaves his flock to come and find me and bring me back.

* The title of this post is a clever allusion to a Biblical account that gives an amazing image of what would make someone want to get baptized. It's from Acts 2.